The Power of Connection: Why Support Matters During and After Cancer Treatment

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was very young and over the next 22 years faced a multitude of recurrences and metastases and was treated with surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, drugs, including some experimental drugs. I made a promise to her that I would work to try to make the world a better place.  As I looked for a way to keep my promise to her, and to honor her memory, I explored ways to help other cancer patients, their families, caregivers and friends during the challenging times that they may face. Out of this, I created the World Change Coalition.

My blogs are intended to be one of the ways to provide thoughts and lessons that I experienced and that will help and support others on their respective journeys..

A cancer diagnosis can turn a person’s world upside down in an instant. The initial fear of future uncertainty is quickly complicated and intensified by batteries of tests to help evaluate and understand the cancer.  This is followed by the many treatment decisions that the patient must answer to proceed with the treatment.  From the moment of diagnosis, cancer patients often find themselves overwhelmed not just by the medical aspects of their condition, but by the emotional weight it carries.

A person impacted by breast cancer can face life altering emotional changes.  Support during treatment and through recovery and beyond is important for all, the cancer survivor, the family and friends.  The Mayo Clinic published an enlightening article on emotional recovery after cancer treatment that is worth reading.

While the medical treatments and professional care are essential components of the healing journey, the emotional and practical support provided by family, caregivers and friends plays a vital role in helping patients navigate through this challenging time.

The journey through cancer treatment isn't a sprint; it's a marathon. Support is often abundant in the beginning, but patients need sustained assistance throughout their entire treatment journey. This is particularly true towards the end of treatment, when patients might be experiencing cumulative mental and physical fatigue, but others might assume they're "almost done" and need less help. Continuing to reach out and offer support throughout the entire process shows patients they're not alone in their fight.

As one cancer survivor shared, the initial flood of phone calls and well-wishes, though well-intentioned, can be exhausting when patients are still processing their diagnosis and beginning treatment. This highlights an important aspect of support: it's not just about being there, but about being there in the right way.

The most effective support often comes in simple, thoughtful gestures. A quiet text message saying "I'm thinking of you" or a handwritten card in the mail can lift spirits without demanding energy from the patient. These small acts of kindness create a bridge to the outside world when someone might be feeling isolated during their treatment journey. What makes these gestures particularly meaningful is when they come with no expectation of a response, allowing the patient to focus on their healing without feeling obligated to maintain social connections.

Some simple, thoughtful gestures can often mean the most:

·       Send a brief text: "Thinking of you today. No need to respond."

·       Mail a card with an encouraging message

·       Share positive memories or funny stories from your relationship

·       Listen without trying to fix or minimize their experience

·       Respect when they need space or quiet time

Practical support can be just as meaningful as emotional encouragement. Rather than asking "What can I do to help?" which puts the burden of coordination on the patient – true helpers take initiative. Dropping off a meal at a specific time, offering to pick up children from school, or volunteering to accompany them to chemotherapy appointments are concrete ways to ease the daily challenges that cancer patients face. These actions acknowledge that cancer affects not just health, but every aspect of daily life.

Practical Support That Makes a Difference Rather than asking "What can I do to help?" take initiative with specific offers:

·       Organize a meal delivery schedule;

·       Organize childcare or school pickup;

·       Offer rides to appointments;

·       Handle household tasks like laundry or cleaning;

·       Manage a shared calendar for appointments and help;

·       Run errands for groceries or prescriptions.

Another crucial aspect of support is maintaining positivity while acknowledging the reality of the situation. Instead of responding with pity or focusing on the negative aspects of cancer, supportive friends and family members can help patients find glimmers of hope and meaning in their journey. As one survivor noted, hearing someone say "You're going to see so much good come out of this" provided a powerful perspective shift that helped her find positive aspects even in difficult circumstances. 

Here are aa couple of lists of a few things you could say and those you might want to avoid.

What to Avoid Saying:

·       "Everything happens for a reason"

·       "Stay positive" or "Be strong"

·       "I know exactly how you feel"

·       "My friend had that cancer and..."

·       "At least it's a good kind of cancer"

Instead, try:

·       "I'm here for you"

·       "This must be really hard"

·       "Would you like to talk about it?"

·       "I love you"

·       "Can I sit with you for a while?"

The impact of a strong support system extends beyond emotional comfort – it can influence treatment outcomes. Research has shown that cancer patients with strong social support networks often experience better quality of life during treatment and may even have improved survival rates. This underscores the fact that cancer treatment isn't just about medical interventions; it's about treating the whole person, including their emotional and social needs.

For family, caregivers and friends supporting someone with cancer, remember that your presence and practical help matter more than finding the perfect words to say. Sometimes, a simple "I love you, and I'm here for you" is more powerful than any elaborate expression of sympathy. The key is to maintain consistent support while respecting the patient's energy levels and need for space.

Late-Stage Treatment:

·       Continue support even as others may drift away;

·       Acknowledge cumulative fatigue;

·       Celebrate small victories;

·       Maintain regular contact and assistance.

Also, recognize that caregivers and family need support too:

·       Offer respite care;

·       Check in specifically about their needs;

·       Provide meals and practical assistance;

·       Listen to their concerns and feelings;

·       Help them maintain their own health and well-being.

A person faced with breast cancer is very often a difficult time for the patient, caregivers, families and friends. There is no playbook or how-to manual to guide you.   Cancer treatment will be challenging journey, but with the right support system, patients don't have to walk this path alone. Through small acts of kindness, practical assistance, and steady presence, family and friends can help create a foundation of support that enables patients to focus on what matters most – their healing and recovery.

I want to acknowledge Donna Loeffler a very kind and giving person, and cancer survivor herself, that has supported me as I evolve the World Change Coalition.  Thank you, Donna, for your candid insight and always positive and inspiring support.  You have provided invaluable insights.

As always, thank you to the followers and supporters of the World Change Coalition.  This journey is also a marathon and not a sprint.  Blessings to you all.